Andy and I had a good talk about how we will do things so differently next year. This holiday season was an all time low for us in so many ways and we don't want this to be the beginning of the rest of our lives for the holidays. Sometimes Andy and I feel like we don't belong anywhere during the holidays. We are pulled in so many different directions, have so many obligations and sometimes feel like we are trying to please everyone else and we don't get the chance to make our own family traditions. We are a family now, and we need to do our thing and start our own traditions.
Next year will be a complete new dynamic with baby #2 here…Yes, I typed it! Baby #2 you all are probably just as shocked as I was when I found out I was pregnant (only a few people know my real response, but I won't share that). This was definitely NOT in my plans but being on birth control, not even knowing if I really wanted another child and not even having the thought in my head…I know it is GOD's plan for our life. It has taken me quite some time to come to grips with a second child…but to be honest, I don't know if I fully have come to grips with it and don't know if/when I will. The one thing that makes me hopeful is that this is completely out of my hands and I know God is teaching me some huge things through this experience (besides the fact that I can't control and plan everything, still trying to figure out what else). I have been overwhelmed with so many emotions..tears (lots of them), feeling like a horribly selfish person for not being super excited when there are so many people out there who want to be pregnant but can't, complacent, unmotivated, feelings of depression, upset at how hard I worked to lose 40lbs and now I will pack it all back on…pretty much any emotion that one human can have in the course of three months. I was already two months pregnant when I found out, so now here I am…baby due to arrive July 28th and I am still trying to figure out how to wrap my mind around it all.
People who already know have asked when I will make it public and I usually reply "Probably, when I am on my way to labor and delivery in July!" I thought I should share with everyone sooner rather than later since it is becoming pretty obvious that I am either pregnant or packing on some winter pounds. Plus, the parents and in-laws will be happy that they can finally tell everyone.
Besides all the regular thoughts about how I am going to make our lives work with two kids…I have some pretty selfish thoughts about how being pregnant is going to put a kink in some of the major things happening in the spring…January-Andy has a cocktail/formal event in which I have to dress up (not feeling cute…just feeling fat), February- 10 days in Hawaii kid free with two of my best friends and hubby (again…bathing suit and not quite looking prego…just packing on pounds), March-Bachleorette party in Vegas (ticket bought, no turning back, everything about that is horrible being prego), April- In a wedding at a winery (wonder if they are really going to be able to alter the already ordered dress to fit a 7 month belly), June- My 30th birthday, July- Baby #2!! So there it is…keep us in your prayers!
January 17: Here I am some time later and since I have opened up my heart to hear what the Lord wants me to hear, He gives me this verse this morning… 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Simple, yet amazingly powerful in my life today. I am so thankful for a God who knows every intricate detail of who I am and understands just the right timing for everything in my life.
April 1, 2011
Joke's on you…
December 1, 2011
(I love this brochure that my Mom brought home from her pregnancy center about how to deal when your teenage daughter tells you she is pregnant. It made me laugh.)
Congratulation Emily... I'm sure this is a little scary, but you'll do great. Two are hard, but imagine not having your siblings? Now that Olive is old enough to really interact with Natalee it is so awesome! Hearing Natalee say "I love you Baby Olive!" it makes it all worth it!
ReplyDeleteOma is really excited! Once you have that little one in your family, you won't be able to remember your lives without "him." Kind of like when you're really pregnant not remembering when you weren't and when you aren't pregnant, not remembering when you were... I can't imagine my life without any of my kids (we stopped at two). Each one is perfect and unique. Still giving heartache from time to time, but all worth it!
ReplyDeleteWhen we were considering having a second baby (you) I remember that I loved Matt so much I thought "how can I possibly love another baby as much as him?" When I shared my struggle with my sister(Aunt Judy), she gave me some excellent words of wisdom: "A mother's love can never be divided, only multiplied." Well, she was right!
Emily you are a fantastic mother and evidently the Lord agrees so much that He broke through all your barriers to make it happen. Watching you blesses me so much! His timing is always perfect - see you won't even have to share your birthday month!
Congratulations sweetie!
Love,
Mom
Congrats, Oma! Did I really have that much wisdom 30 years ago? Dang! This will be joy for everyone...especially YOU, Emily! Love, Aunt Judy
DeleteCongrats! I know EXACTLY what you're feeling (aka Jackson!) but you know what, (NOW) I wouldn't change it for the world!
ReplyDeleteYou're right-- God knows what he's doing.
Congratulations Emily!
ReplyDeleteIt was meant to be... You are a great mother and you will do great with two little ones!
I am truly happy for you and your family!
My second pregnancy sounds similar to yours...
I went to Vegas and was in Danielle's wedding, 6 months pregnant. No big deal!
Just dink as many fru-fru drinks as you can in Vegas! That'll help!
You could make the next 6 months sound as miserable as you want, but in 6 months you are going to look back and realize how fortunate you were to do all of those things!
Enjoy every moment...
By the way, I can't wait to see your little bump at Mika's wedding! =)
Take care,
Jess
There is no reason for you to feel guilty about your raw emotions. While our circumstances might be different, our struggle is the same. God's plan looks different then our own!!! Putting our full trust in him regardless of the details is not always as easy as we wish it was... but ALWAYS worth it!
ReplyDeleteI pray that because of your vulnerability, willingness to share and be real that you will experience a similar sense of freedom from those very feelings as I have from my own in the last few weeks. Sometimes just admitting it out loud and claiming the struggles as our own screams to the enemy that we won't let him have control!!! GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!
You are loved and I can't wait to meet the next Burton Bundle!!!